Life is a ssagaji

2009-06-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

A part of my soul and mind...in the memory of my "ray of light" which died on 05.06.2009 killed by the stupidity of Romanian doctors

If someone gave you the oppurtunity to....trade your life ...will you accept it?

2009-02-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

What would you do if someday, someone, lets say a wizard, or someone with magical powers will appear in front of you and say: "I give you the chance to trade your life with anyone you want, to live in that persons body, live his/her life. And the period of time is forever, will you accept?"

Isn't it a very tempting chance? To be someone you want, live a good and happy life, forget about your unhappy life and have everything you wanted?

Well, if this would happen to me, what can i say? that would be great. I hate my life, i hate myself, i would like this pain to end, this black days to get white, to be someone...a movie star, an international singer, a smart person, a happy person, a person who would love herself, and that wouldn't be alone and sad, a person who wouldn't have nightmares every night, a person who wouldn't feel helpless because the people she love suffer and she can't do a thing to ease their pain.

But what would happen to the person with who i would swap my life, that means that person would get to live my life forever? Would that person be strong enough to deal my daily issues? With my pain, sadness, nightmares, dark soul? I don't think that he/she will survive in my place. I got lot of years to get used to it....this is my advantage...

So if this would ever happen, i think i will keep my life for me, because i don't want anybody else to suffer for me/instead of me/ or just to suffer.

What would you do if this thing would happen to you?

Would you accept it? If yes, then why?

If not ? Why?

Aren't you tired of fighting?

2009-02-26T14:12:00.000-08:00

How about you?

We fight from the first moment we are born. For us, our bodies fight to function, to breath, to grow. when are brain starts functioning we fight to be good, funny, smart, understanding children. We fight to get our parents love, attention. We fight to make them happy and proud. When we fall and hit ourselves, we fight with the pain, we fight to hold back our tears so nobody will be worried about us. When we start taking part of the society, we fight to integrate, to make friends, and to get their friendship and attention.
We fight to study, to get smart, and we start the fight between choosing good and evil, what is good and what is wrong.
When we leave our nest created by our parents, and take part in this evil society, we fight to get a good job, once obtained we fight to get promotion, and big salary. we fight to be better then others. We fight to earn money so we can live, drink, eat, dress, get a house, a car, get the admiration or envy of other people who coudn;t fight to be part of the society.
Oh! And when love hits us behind our heads, we fight to be together with our sweetheart. If it works we fight to have a nice home, make kids, raise them. If it doesn't work we cry, we drink
to forget that the fight for our loved person ended bad, that we lost it. We swear to never love again, or to get revenge on all women and men, or we hope that the next love we find it will be better then the last. That our love won't cheat us, use us, or take advantage and suck us dry and throw us into hell.
And all the time we FIGHT to breath, to be happy, to love and be loved...but why we have to fight non-stop, without taking a brake and just do nothing.
And so the fight never ends, we become slaves of the society, of the system bank, of love, of drugs, and what is more sad then everything until now WE BECOME SLAVES of Sadness, Unhappiness, Sickness, PAIN...we become shadows of our shadows..
So i ask you in the end......we live to die...right...because it doesn't matter what happens in this ssagaji life...now or later we still die.
So my question is : Why do we struggle to fight so much, when the result its the same.....we die and we can't take anything with us....as for our children...they will die too....so there will be NO trace that we existed and fought on this earth. So why are we doing this?
I don't know the reason, maybe somebody other then God knows,,,,,,but i feel so tired, and everyday i say: Tomorrow will be better,,,,but actualy Tomorrow is worse than Today.....

I AM SICK OF CRYING,

TIRED OF TRYING,

YEAH I AM SMILING BUT INSIDE I'M

DYING

"On the other side of the collapsing wall -Despair and hope looks the same"

I wish to fall asleep and never wake up